


back to you

by Stina0098



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, chanyeol is made out of 100 percent boyfriend material, sehun is a little ball of sadness and anger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 22:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15850791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stina0098/pseuds/Stina0098
Summary: “This is Chanyeol, the guy I’ve been telling you about. Chanyeol meet Sehun, my roommate.”In which Sehun finds out that the guy Jongin has been crushing on for months is actually the ex Sehun is trying his best to forget.





	back to you

**Author's Note:**

> a confession: i never understood authors who start off planning a story to be 600 words only to end up writing almost ten thousand before i wrote this one-shot! the small story that i had planned out in my head grew a mind of its own and before i knew it, i had written way more than i had ever set out to do! i consider that a good thing though, since it just goes on to show how much i love chanhun lol. pls enjoy!

 

 

“I invited someone over tomorrow.”

Sehun turns to stare at Jongin in surprise.

It isn’t rare for someone in their shared group of friends to invite someone to what Baekhyun calls their “festive Fridays”, but it is the first time since their tradition began a year ago that Jongin has expressed the desire to extend the invitation to someone not already invited. Jongin is someone who has more than his fair share of suitors and people falling all over their feet to get closer to him, but for all that Sehun knows he very rarely takes the initiative to talk someone up himself.

It makes Sehun feel a bit curious.

“Who?”

“A guy in my economics class that I’ve been crushing on for over two months now. He mentioned having his plans cancel on him this Friday and so I took the opportunity to invite him.” Jongin leans back in his chair. “Junmyeon’s coming, too, isn’t he?”

Sehun nods.

Junmyeon has had a standing invitation to Jongdae and Baekhyun’s festive Fridays almost since it began, and while it is a badly kept secret that all of Sehun’s friends want them to date, they both know that there could never be anything more between them than friends with the occasional benefits.

That doesn’t stop Jongin from treating them like they are basically married, though.

“Good. He’s good at cancelling out Baekhyun’s loudness.”

Sehun snorts, wondering who the person that has Jongin worried about meeting his friends is, but doesn’t think much else of it as Friday rolls around and his boss orders him to cover for a colleague who suddenly calls in sick. He rushes from his part time job to Baekhyun and Jongdae’s apartment just as rain begins to pour and ends up arriving almost forty minutes later than he had planned.

Like always, he simply enters the passcode to the door and lets himself in, pushing it open and brushing damp hair out of his face as he moves from the small entrance to the kitchen, vision temporarily foggy.

“Hey, does anyone have a spare shirt that I can bo—”

Sehun looks up and promptly freezes.

For a second, he is sure that he is imagining things, that not having eaten dinner yet is messing with his brain, but when he blinks and everything remains unchanged, all color drains from his face.

Chanyeol is standing in the middle of Baekhyun’s small kitchen, looking back at him like he’s seeing a ghost.

His hair is longer now than it had been two years ago and no longer a light brown, but other than the change in hairstyle he looks almost exactly the way Sehun remembers him. Tall, with large eyes and a handsome face. Sehun had watched him grow up; watched how his shoulders grew broader and his body filled out, but in the two years that they haven’t seen each other Chanyeol has somehow managed to grow even more attractive. His facial features have become more defined, and some of the baby-fat has vanished from his cheeks.

A heavy weight settles over Sehun’s chest, rendering it hard to breathe. He’d been convinced that he’d successfully killed all the lingering feelings he’d had for Chanyeol over the last two years, that he was better off without him and that Chanyeol meant nothing to him, but it becomes increasingly difficult to tell himself so when Chanyeol is right in front of him.

Conflicting emotions war inside him.

He wonders how Chanyeol has found him, and although he knows that he should throw something at Chanyeol and then storm off, the sight of Chanyeol has always successfully caused him to melt, anger fading away to become numbness.

Chanyeol, despite obviously planning to meet him like this, looks like he had expected to see anyone _but_ Sehun walking through the door, eyes flickering with a thousand different emotions all at once.

“What are you doing here?” Sehun finally asks, voice coming out surprisingly stable. It causes Chanyeol to break out of his stupor and in a flash of a second, he looks focused, taking a step towards Sehun.

Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something, seemingly almost in a hurry, but in that moment Sehun hears the door to the bathroom open and Jongin staggers out, a bright smile on his face.

“Oh, there you are! The others are out buying beer!” Jongin points to Chanyeol, who still has his eyes fixed on him. “This is Chanyeol, the guy I’ve been telling you about. Chanyeol meet Sehun, my roommate.”

All color drains from Sehun’s face.

He can feel his face shutter closed, expression turning blank even as he feels like he is going to throw up.

On the opposite side of the room, Chanyeol takes another step towards him, expression almost desperate.

“Sehun, I—” Chanyeol begins, but Sehun doesn’t want to listen to anything he has to say. He just wants to get away. Away from Chanyeol, away from Jongin and from this whole situation.

Away from the part of him that is broken over that Chanyeol isn’t here for him.

He’d thought he was past getting hurt by Chanyeol and everything that involved him, but that was clearly not the case.

“I’m going to go borrow a shirt.” He croaks out and doesn’t recognize his own voice. He heads to Baekhyun and Jongdae’s shared bedroom without saying another word, closing the door behind him and feeling like the world is spinning.

He can’t help but feel foolish, thinking for even a second that Chanyeol was there to see him. His cheeks burn, but even more embarrassingly his eyes burn. He isn’t sure if it’s in anger or anything else, but in that moment, the anger is what he chooses to focus on.

He shrugs into one of Jongdae’s plain t-shirts, goes to the bathroom and fixes the hair that the rain has ruined. From the other end of the apartment he hears a small bang, and from the sound of voices and laughter he guesses that the others have returned.

He takes an unsteady breath, wishing he could stay locked inside Jongdae and Baekhyun’s room forever, but knows that he won’t be able to stay there for much longer without raising questions. He probably already has Jongin wondering what had caused his strange reaction to Chanyeol and the last thing he wants to do is sit down and have an in-depth discussion about his and Chanyeol’s failed relationship.

Especially not when Jongin apparently likes Chanyeol.

He takes another breath, telling himself that he is fine and that Chanyeol has already ruined enough relationships in his life before he opens the door, knowing that he will at least have to pretend to be fine for a little while before he can fake a headache and head home –escaping the whole situation. He prays that Chanyeol has already left, but when he peeks his head outside and sees Chanyeol sitting next to Jongin on the couch and looking like he is lost in his own thoughts, that dream withers.

Sehun focuses on anything and everything that isn’t Chanyeol and Jongin, and that just happens to be Jongdae, who wiggles his eyebrows suggestively as Sehun approaches him tensely.

“Nice shirt. Want a beer?”

“Yes,” Sehun replies, and nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels an arm thrown across his shoulders.

“Make that two.” Junmyeon says and gives Sehun a warm smile that he would have normally reciprocated. When he doesn’t, still a tangle of emotions and stress under Junmyeon’s arm, Junmyeon frowns, noticing that something is off for the first time.

“Are you alright?” He asks under his breath while Jongdae laughs at something Baekhyun says.

Out of all of the friends Sehun had made after graduating high school, Junmyeon is the only one who knows the entire story about him and Chanyeol. The others only know that Sehun had his heart broken shortly before moving out of his parents’ apartment, but nothing more.

A part of him considers shaking his head and saying no, but he doesn’t want to cause a scene, and even more so he doesn’t want Chanyeol to know that he still hasn’t fully moved on. He wants to protect whatever pride he has left, and if that means having to spend a few hours in Chanyeol’s company and pretend that he doesn’t mind, then that is what he is going to do.

“I’ll explain later,” Sehun simply answers, and takes a large gulp of beer. He hopes that he won’t have to spend much time around Chanyeol, but when Baekhyun suggests joining Jongin and Chanyeol on the couch and having a drinking game to get to know Jongin’s plus-one better, that seems unlikely.

He pretends not to notice Chanyeol staring at him, or Jongin smiling at Chanyeol like he is the sun, by grabbing onto Junmyeon like he is a lifeline and focusing on anything and everything that isn’t the two of them.

“Have you lived in Seoul your entire life?” Baekhyun asks, and for the first time ever Sehun wishes Baekhyun would be less friendly.

“Yes,” Chanyeol answers a bit carefully. “I was born in Yongsang but then my parents moved to Jungnang when I was six.”

“Like Sehun,” Jongin states, and Sehun tenses. “You two have never met each other?”

Chanyeol opens his mouth to reply but Sehun beats him to it, anger running through his veins as he leans against Junmyeon almost as if he could soak up some of his strength. It doesn’t come as a surprise that Chanyeol hadn’t told Jongin that they knew each while he was changing since that would have probably ruined his chances of hooking up with Jongin.

“No. We haven’t.” Sehun snaps, and then there is a moment of silence.

Sehun glares angrily at Chanyeol who Sehun would have thought looked hurt had he not known better.

Junmyeon laughs awkwardly and it helps to break some of the tension. Sehun knows that he is acting strange but can’t help it as he swallows another mouthful of beer.

Thankfully the conversation strays from there, but Sehun makes no attempt at trying to follow it. The only thing keeping him from outright scowling is Junmyeon, who has a talent for reading his emotions and begins to stroke his back soothingly.

Somewhere along the lines Baekhyun decides that sitting on the floor isn’t good for his back and makes Chanyeol and Jongin make room for him on the couch, causing the two of them to sit much closer to each other.

Sehun knows that he has stayed long enough that he can leave without it being too strange, but for a reason that evades him, he finds himself rooted to his spot. He only stands up abruptly when he sees Jongin lean in to whisper something in Chanyeol’s ear and when that makes everyone raise their eyebrows, Sehun searches for a reason behind his sudden move.

“I’m going to get something more to drink.”

“Uhh,” begins Jongdae, expression kind. “Do you think that’s really a good idea? Your face is looking a little flushed.”

“I’m fine,” Sehun answers, and tries to tell himself that it’s the truth. He tries to tell himself that it’s fine that the only person he’s ever been in love with is flirting with one of his closest friends right in front of him while Sehun still finds it difficult to open up to people. “I just need to get some air.”

Sehun walks to the kitchen, only stumbling a little in the process, and then heads out to the small balcony. He closes the door to the apartment behind him as soon as he can, wanting to distance himself from the people inside, and a gust of warm summer wind brushes over him and sobers him up a bit.

A part of him wants to storm inside and tell Jongin to not meet Chanyeol anymore, but another thinks that doing so would be petty and unkind. Jongin is part of the reason Sehun got out of the angry and sad state of being he had been in after breaking up with Chanyeol, and the only reason he hadn’t failed his first midterm. Jongin had been nothing but kind to him ever since they first met each other, but Sehun doubts that Jongin could ever understand or relate to his situation even if he took the time to explain the it to him, no matter how nice he was.

The door creaks open behind him and Sehun turns around, expecting to see Junmyeon or Jongdae with a cigarette in his hand, only to come face to face with the person he’d been avoiding since he’d arrived. Chanyeol looks a bit wary as he steps out onto the balcony, a bit nervous, and a pang of nostalgia shoots through Sehun for a brief moment before all he feels is bitter.

“What?” Sehun says coolly. “Are you really that curious as to how I’ve been that you have to follow me out here when I obviously want to be alone?”

Chanyeol does a bad job of hiding his flinch, and Sehun feels oddly vindictive.

“I didn’t know you knew Jongin.” Chanyeol finally says. “I’m not…we’re not…” Chanyeol leaves the rest of the sentence unfinished, looking at him like he is hoping for some sort of reaction from him. Sehun isn’t exactly sure what it is he is hoping for, but if he is expecting Sehun to be grateful than Sehun is not having it. He doesn’t want Chanyeol to pity him. “I wouldn’t have come with Jongin if I´d known that you’d be here.”

It rubs Sehun the wrong way.

“I don’t care what relationship you have with Jongin. You could be married for all I care. I don’t care about anything you do.”

This time Chanyeol doesn’t even attempt to cover his wince.

“Is that really all you’re going to say to me after not seeing me for two years? Not even a hello?”

Sehun looks away from Chanyeol for the briefest of seconds, not wanting to notice that Chanyeol has a few buttons of his shirt unbuttoned or that he seems to have more arm muscles now than he did when they dated.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s not like I owe you anything. You could date everyone in there for all I care. It definitely wouldn’t surprise me.”

Chanyeol has the nerve to look offended, almost angry.

“Well, great then.” He snaps. “Maybe Jongin and I will end up hitting it off. It certainly seems like you have with Junmyeon, although I don’t understand what you could see in someone that much shorter than you.”

“Well, if the alternative is to date someone like you I definitely prefer him.”

Chanyeol’s eyes flash with something Sehun can’t identify before they both end up glaring at each other. With nothing else to say Sehun pushes passed Chanyeol, deciding that he’s had enough fresh air, and tries not to notice how good Chanyeol smells.

He considers going back home but doesn’t know if he wants to go back to his own apartment when Jongin will probably be there to ask him questions. He doesn’t know what’s worse between Jongin being in their shared apartment, probably with Chanyeol in a tow and having to see the two of them flirting, or Sehun going back to their apartment and Jongin not coming home at all.

The thought of Chanyeol and Jongin kissing or doing anything else makes him want to puke.

Sehun grabs onto Junmyeon and asks him if he can sleep at his place, and while Junmyeon sends him a questioning look he agrees and they prepare to leave soon after, Sehun feeling Chanyeol’s gaze on him as they do.

“See you tomorrow, then.” Jongin says but Sehun doesn’t meet his eyes, not entirely sure what expression he will make if he does.

Junmyeon keeps silent as they walk to his car and pull out of the parking lot. Sehun knows that he is waiting for him to say something, but one of the greatest things about Junmyeon is that he has never been one to pry.

Eventually Sehun speaks up.

“You know the ex who cheated on me? That was him.”

 

***

 

Sehun stays in Junmyeon’s apartment until late morning, happy that it’s Saturday and that he doesn’t have a reason to be home early. When he does end up going back, Jongin is busy writing the paper that he had neglected the day before and only smiles in Sehun direction, telling him that there is leftover pizza in the fridge if he wants any, before going back to his books and his computer. Sehun pretends that he isn’t relieved, but still feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders.

Sehun expects Jongin to talk to him about Chanyeol sooner or later, but when he doesn’t even mention Chanyeol for the entire week leading up to their next festive Friday, he figures that Jongin inviting Chanyeol was probably not going to happen again and feels relief settle deep within him.

That’s why it comes as a large surprise that when he is sitting next to Jongin in the university cafeteria and Chanyeol walks into the room with a few others, Jongin waves them over, telling Sehun to scoot.

Sehun and Chanyeol’s eyes meet briefly and Chanyeol´s eyes suddenly look much colder, but Sehun ignores him and hopes that he will ignore Jongin’s request. He doesn’t, beginning to walk towards them with his friend in a tow and taking the seat almost across from him. From the casual smile Chanyeol’s friend sends Jongin, Sehun can tell that they probably also know each other.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen you in our cafeteria,” Jongin says to Chanyeol and Sehun scowls at his kimchi.

“I usually eat off-campus but I had a group project today so it was easier.”

Jongin nods, and Sehun tries not to make it too obvious that he is listening in on their conversation. Jongin says something more, but Sehun is interrupted when the person Chanyeol had arrived with suddenly speaks.

“I’m Jonghyun, by the way. I don’t think we’ve ever been introduced.”

“I’m Sehun.”

“I know,” Jonghyun replies, smiling. “I was working the bar during freshers’ week and I remember you getting drunk and dancing to Super Junior.”

Sehun flushes, and almost forgets about Chanyeol for a second. That had been the day Sehun had accidentally come across a picture of him and Chanyeol celebrating his eleventh birthday and decided that the best way to deal with his aching chest was to get wasted.

Jonghyun laughs.

“Don’t worry. I only thought you were really cute.”

“Are you going to eat that?” Chanyeol sharp voice cuts their conversation short, startling Sehun who had almost forgotten that they were sharing a table for a second. Jonghyun blinks, looking back at Chanyeol who is looking annoyed for a reason Sehun does not understand. His chopsticks are hovering over Jonghyun’s plate, right above the pickled radishes.

“I was…But you can have them if you want.”

Sehun watches, perplexed, as Chanyeol takes them.

“Do you have plans on Friday, by the way?” Jongin asks Chanyeol.

“I was going to meet up with a friend. Why?”

“We’re going out to eat barbeque to celebrate the dance team winning an award. Want to come? Sehun will probably be working so you can bring your friend if you’d like.” Jongin turns to Jonghyun. “You’re of course invited as well.”

Sehun knows that Jongin can’t be blamed for inviting Chanyeol when he doesn’t know their history and Chanyeol obviously doesn’t seem to have told him, but even so, he can’t help but feel annoyed.

Chanyeol looks as if he is hesitating too, darting his eyes towards Sehun.

“I’m sure Chanyeol’s too busy.” Sehun mutters. “But Jonghyun is welcome to come.”

A muscle in Chanyeol’s jaw clenches.

“Actually, I’d love to come.”

“Okay, nice,” Jongin responds, smiling.

The rest of the lunch is spent awkwardly, Jonghyun and Jongin being the only ones talking while Sehun fiddles with his phone and Chanyeol focuses all his energy on his food. Jongin asks him about it when they leave –if there is anything that he should know about— but Sehun just mumbles something incoherent back.

Junmyeon had told him that the best thing to do was to talk to Jongin, and although Sehun knows that he is right and that he should, there is also a part of him that wishes that things would fade out between Jongin and Chanyeol without Sehun having to even mention Chanyeol to Jongin before he is ready.

Friday comes before Sehun knows it, and although Sehun’s boss had miraculously told him that there was no need for him to come in and work, he wonders if he should even go to the barbeque. When he tells Jongin that he might just stay at home and that he feels a little bit off, Jongin falls onto his bed, looking a bit disappointed.

“Can’t you at least come for a while? Everyone else is going to be there.”

Sehun feels his resolve crumbling.

“Alright.”

And so Sehun ends up sitting in the middle of a smoke-filled barbeque restaurant, Chanyeol nowhere in sight, wondering if the night maybe won’t be so bad after all. Another half an hour passes without Chanyeol showing up and Sehun feels himself relaxing a little bit more, drinking soju. A few more minutes pass until Jongin suddenly stands up and waves someone over. Sehun gets a bad feeling in his gut and turn around to see Chanyeol with his hair out of his forehead for once, looking like he came straight out of a fashion magazine.

Sehun swallows, trying to stop his chest from beating faster.

“Sorry for coming late. My friend had things he needed to do.”

“It’s okay,” Jongin says, “there’s plenty of food left. Sehun doesn’t really feel that great either way so you can probably steal his food.”

Chanyeol looks at him and then pales.

A second later there another voice joining them.

“ _Sehun_?”

Kyungsoo stares back at him, eyes wide, and Jongin looks between the two of them.

“You two know each other?”

Sehun feels like he is actually going to throw up.

He’d thought that he’d be able to act like he didn’t know Chanyeol and that pretending that he didn’t care about anything Chanyeol did was okay, but with Kyungsoo staring back at him, he feels naïve for even thinking it possible.

Sehun’s eyes dart to Chanyeol, who is staring back at him like he is watching a car crash happening and doesn’t know how to stop it.

Sehun feels like he’s just been slapped.

He stands up, dizzy, and doesn’t know where he is heading but knowing that he has to get out of the restaurant before he faints.

“I need to leave.”

“Where—”

Sehun pushes past Jongin, heading towards the door. From behind him, he can make out someone yelling his name, telling him to wait, but he doesn’t care, sprinting out onto the street and gulping in air. His vision is blurry, and it isn’t until he gets honked at loudly, almost getting run over by a passing car that he realizes that he is crying.

Someone grabs his arm, pulling him out of the way, and Sehun hates himself for knowing who it is before even before seeing Chanyeol.

Glaring angrily through the tears and feeling like his heart is about to split in two, Sehun asks what is running through his head, focusing on the anger like always.

“You brought _Kyungsoo_?” Sehun sobs, pushing Chanyeol who is still holding onto his arm.

“Sehun, I’m sorry. Jongin told me that you weren’t coming—”

“Do I really mean that little to you?” Sehun asks desperately, pushing him once more and needing Chanyeol to hurt just as much as he does.

He shoves at Chanyeol once more and this time Chanyeol releases his arm but Sehun doesn’t feel as good about it as he thought he would. All he feels are these roaring emotions inside of him that he’s tried his best to suppress these last two years but that now refuses to be suppressed any longer.

The emotions that tell him that part of the reason he is hurting so bad is because he loves and have always loved Chanyeol, but Chanyeol has never loved and will never love him.

He’d thought that Chanyeol had searched him out to beg him for forgiveness only to find out that he’d only been there because of Jongin, and then when he had thought that things couldn’t get any worse he had brought Kyungsoo into the picture.

He looks up, expecting Chanyeol to look apologetic, but to his surprise he looks almost just as upset as he feels.

“I think _I_ should be the one asking you that question. I understand you not loving me, and wanting to break up with me, but we grew _up_ together. You were my first best friend. My first boyfriend. I _loved_ you and you didn’t want anything to do with me!”

“You had sex with Kyungsoo! My best friend!” Sehun yells, outraged. “And then didn’t even have the guts to tell it to my face. I had to find out from fucking Yixing that you had slept with him behind my back! You didn’t even tell me!”

“And I’ve regretted it every single second of my life since!” Chanyeol yells back, eyes frantic. “I _knew_ I should have told you about it but I didn’t want you to think I had any feelings for Kyungsoo or for it to ruin your friendship! I didn’t for a second think you were going to break up with me over it! It was a drunken mistake, and none of us wanted it. At that point I was in love with you!”

Sehun gapes at Chanyeol.

“Of course, I would have stopped being friends with Kyungsoo if I’d found out that you were cheating on me with him!” Sehun begins, not even knowing what to focus on. “And what a fucking great way to show that you were in love with me! Sorry for not understanding it sooner!”

For the first time since their conversation had begun Sehun sees another emotion other than frustration and anger on Chanyeol’s face.

It’s confusion.

“What are you talking about? I never cheated on you with Kyungsoo.”

Sehun wonders if Chanyeol is suffering from a shortage of memory.

“ _Yes_. You _did_. That is literally the reason why we broke up.”

When Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, just stares at him as if he doesn’t understand a word coming out of his mouth, Sehun elaborates bitterly, feeling as if he is going to cry.

“You and Kyungsoo were acting weird every time we hung out together and then Yixing told me that you two had had sex! There’s nothing else to say. That’s literally the definition of cheating.”

Chanyeol almost looks scared, and the expression is so out of place that it makes Sehun pause.

“I never cheated on you.”

“Did you not hear anything I said?” Sehun asks numbly. “We spoke about this two years ago. You even admitted to it.”

Chanyeol shakes his head, eyebrows furrowed together.

“I admitted to not telling you that Kyungsoo and I had had sex. But that was four months before we got together. We never told you about it because it was embarrassing and the only reason it happened was because we were both drunk out of our minds. We both regretted it. I know I should have told you about it but it meant nothing.” Chanyeol takes a deep breath, looking him straight in the eyes. “I never cheated on you.”

Blood rushes through his ears, and this time Sehun feels faint for an entirely different reason.

“What?” He croaks weakly.

“I never cheated on you.”

Everything stills.

Chanyeol takes a step closer.

“I would have never ever cheated on you.”

Sehun feels like a rug has been pulled from under his feet.

He’d been heartbroken and furious for the longest period of time, analyzing everything and anything that had happened when he had been together with Chanyeol. One second, he had wondered if he had done something to make Chanyeol want to cheat on him, the next he had been cursing Chanyeol’s name. He had gone from crying to wanting to punch everything.

He had felt so betrayed, so hurt by the one person he had trusted to never hurt him and who he had loved more than he had loved anyone else. The same person Sehun had never imagined living without. Who Sehun had been in love with since he was ten and first seen jumping out of a van, a gaming-console in his hands and a wide smile on his face as he took in his new neighborhood.

The person Sehun had first discovered mirror selfies with, snuck out of his home first with, had his first kiss with.

He’d been so sad and angry that Chanyeol had gone and threw that all away like it was worth nothing.

Like he was worth nothing.

A million thoughts race through Sehun’s head.

“You didn’t cheat on me?”

Chanyeol only shakes his head, and with the neon blue lights from the restaurant reflected in his jet-black eyes, he looks heartbreakingly beautiful. Like a still from a movie. Like someone Sehun knows but apparently doesn’t know at all.

“I...,” Sehun doesn’t know what to say. His mind is bursting with questions and thoughts but when he opens his mouth to say them, all words evade him. He opens his mouth again, feeling the need to at least say something, but in that second Chanyeol’s phone rings.

Even from where he is standing, Sehun can see that it’s Jongin calling.

The moment slips between his fingers as cold reality catches up on him.

“Nevermind,” he says, voice sounding strange to his own ears. “You should probably answer that.”

Chanyeol looks like he is about to protest, an odd expression to his face, but the door to the barbeque place swings open and stops him. A drunk man leaning against his friend staggers out onto the street, managing to walk for only a second or two before falling to the ground and giggling.

It takes Sehun a second to recognize one of them to be Johnny, a friend of Jongin’s who Sehun had occasionally danced with. He looks relieved when he spots Sehun.

“Ten drank a few too many cherry-soju bottles. Do you think you could help me with him?”

Sehun stares back at Chanyeol.

Thinks about how so much has changed yet so little.

About his ringing phone.

About Jongin.

Sehun takes another look at the ringing phone and feels empty. Feels like all the energy has drained away in his body.

And then he leaves Chanyeol to go and help.

 

***

 

“I think Jonghyun might be interested in you.” Jongin says the next day after Sehun leaves his room mid-afternoon, feeling like he could sleep for another day or so. “He came after you left and asked where you were. I had to tell him that I didn´t know.”

Jongin glances in his direction.

“Is there anything you want to tell me by the way?”

“Not really,” Sehun says and feels both empty and like he is the worst friend alive. “It’s just…it’s a long story.”

Jongin puts on his jacket.

“Are you going somewhere?” Sehun asks.

“Just heading out to buy some groceries. Is there anything you want?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

Jongin nods, sending a small smile in his direction, and then leaves.

Sehun decides to walk to the kitchen and grab something to eat. He is busy putting the plates into the dishwasher when the bell rings. He turns to stare at the door, not expecting any visitors.

Sehun opens it hesitantly, wondering if Jongin has ordered something online and forgotten to tell him about it.

“Hi.”

Sehun blinks as Chanyeol runs a hand through his hair, looking a little bit out of place, and for the first time since they broke up, Sehun doesn’t feel bitter or angry looking at him. Instead he feels unexpectedly shy, not knowing how to act around Chanyeol when he isn’t under the impression that he had cheated on him.

“You just missed Jongin,” Sehun says, a bit awkwardly. “He’s out buying gro—”

“I need to ask you something.”

Sehun pauses, caught off guard.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

Sehun hesitates, wondering if he should invite him in. It feels strange to invite Chanyeol into his apartment when Jongin isn’t there, but he doesn’t want any nosy freshmen listening in on their conversation. Swinging the door open, he motions for Chanyeol to come inside, and feels painfully aware of the dirty shirt hanging on the kitchen chair and his hair that is still damp from showering.

Chanyeol, like always, looks effortlessly good-looking.

He’s wearing a large oversized sweater and had this been three years ago Sehun would have probably latched on to him under the pretense that he was cold and initiated a make-out session.

Now Sehun pretends not to notice how good Chanyeol looks, unsure of this new, not angry dynamic between them.

“Did you mean what you said when we broke up?”

Despite Sehun knowing exactly what Chanyeol is talking about, about the angry and hurtful things he had said when they broke-up, Sehun pretends not to understand what he means.

“What do you mean?”

Chanyeol looks like he just swallowed a lemon but continues on.

“I mean, did you already plan on breaking up with me before you found out about me and Kyungsoo? Did you find me annoying but didn’t want to break my heart? Did you want to get rid of me? Did you mean that? About never wanting to see me again?”

Sehun swallows.

“Does that really matter?”

Chanyeol just looks at him.

“It matters.”

Sehun takes a deep breath, preparing himself.

“No,” Sehun answers after a few seconds. “No, I didn’t mean it.”

He looks at Chanyeol whose eyes have turned unreadable and forces himself to continue.

“I felt like my world was shattering back then and I guess I wanted protect the little bit of the pride I had left. I had never planned on breaking up with you, and I never found you annoying. I wanted to spend the rest of my life together with you.”

Chanyeol looks like the world has come crashing down around him, and Sehun doesn´t know what to make of it except that Chanyeol seems to be holding onto every word coming out of his mouth.

“We broke up over a misunderstanding.” Chanyeol finally says, voice raw. “You thought I was cheating on you and I thought you were tired of me and upset about me not telling you that I’d had sex with Kyungsoo.”

Suddenly, all Sehun feels is numb.

Their entire relationship and two years of Sehun’s life had been ruined because of an unnecessary misunderstanding. Years and years of friendship and love wasted.

Sehun can’t help but wonder where they would have been if they had cleared everything up.

Maybe he wouldn’t be sharing an apartment with Jongin, maybe he and Chanyeol would have their own apartment, adopting a dog or two and trying their best to survive finals week. Sehun would return home to warm hugs and indulgent kisses after a day of getting treated horribly at the coffee shop, while Sehun would go to all Chanyeol’s gigs and support him unconditionally.

Sehun’s chest aches.

Chanyeol focuses on him with an intense look in his eyes.

“Can we start over?” Chanyeol asks. “Leave the past behind us? Start anew?”

And though Sehun knows he shouldn’t, that he is probably still as in love with Chanyeol as he was two years ago and that saying yes will probably lead to more heartache in the long run, he can’t stop himself from agreeing or his heart from racing a mile a minute.

“Okay.”

When Chanyeol grins, Sehun almost convinces himself that it’s the right decision.

 

***

 

It feels strange to be friends with Chanyeol all of a sudden and to know that he can contact him at any time he wants.

Sehun stares at Chanyeol’s kakao-talk avatar for almost ten minutes, going back to look through Chanyeol’s picures and timeline. He doesn’t have a lot of pictures on his kakao-talk but the few that he has uploaded are of random animals and food. Sehun only finds two pictures that actually have Chanyeol in them, the first one being a picture of him with his guitar and the other in front of a large adidas store.

Sehun ends up going through his own, wondering if he has any embarrassing pictures before realizing what he is doing and stopping himself. He wonders if he should send Chanyeol a message but decides against it, throwing his phone on the other side of the room and then instantly regretting it.

Sehun has almost managed to ignore the fact that he suddenly has a way to contact Chanyeol whenever he wants to when Chanyeol suddenly sends him a message the next day, asking him at what time his classes end and if he wants to meet up.

Chanyeol waits for him outside of his classroom like it’s a normal thing.

Sehun can’t help but overhear the rest of his classmates as he leaves the classroom, all wondering who the handsome guy by the entrance is, but Chanyeol doesn’t seem to care that he is currently a person of interest, simply holding up a cup of coffee in Sehun’s direction and smiling.

Sehun accepts the coffee and tries not to read too much into it, suddenly understanding why Chanyeol had sent him a message asking what type of coffee he liked earlier that day.

Chanyeol shows him around his part of campus and shows him the places where he usually practices, and while Sehun tiptoes around Chanyeol in the beginning –still unsure of how to act around Chanyeol when they aren’t enemies— he finds it scary how quickly it feels natural to be around him. How quickly it feels like the only unnatural thing was not having Chanyeol in his life.

They walk around campus until Sehun’s stomach growls, reminding him that he hadn’t had time to eat breakfast, and they decide to eat something. Chanyeol asks him if he likes pasta with a large grin on his face, mentioning that he knows a place, and Sehun just nods, trying his best to stop his cheeks from turning red.

It isn’t until they are right outside of the pasta restaurant and Chanyeol is greeted warmly with a hug from an older woman, that Sehun understands that the restaurant must belong to his mother. Sehun doesn’t even have the time to worry about what type of impression he is going to make or glare at Chanyeol before his mother turns to him in surprise, shock coloring her expression.

“Is that really who I think it is?” Chanyeol’s mother exclaims, and not even a second later he is attacked with a fierce hug that nearly takes his breath away. “I haven’t seen you in ages! You look so skinny! You need to eat more!”

They are quickly ushered into a seat while Chanyeol’s mother interrogates him about his life.

“I’m so happy to see that you two made up!” She says and seems to genuinely mean it. “Chanyeol hasn’t been the same since you left and I’ve been really worried about him. About you, too! You and Chanyeol were practically attached at the hip and I’ve been missing you and wondering how you were. Seeing you two together makes me so happy.”

Sehun looks at Chanyeol, whose cheeks look a bit rosy, and wonders for the first time how their breakup must have been for him. He’d been so busy thinking that he was the only one brokenhearted over their breakup that he hadn’t realized that it might have been hard for Chanyeol, as well.

Sehun has a hard time imagining that the breakup had as much of an impact on Chanyeol’s life as his mother seems to think though, since Chanyeol had always been popular and always had girls and boys fawning over him every day.

Sehun stares at Chanyeol with his white button-down and wonders for the first time if he had dressed up to meet him. Sehun can’t stop his heart from speeding up or a blush from staining his cheeks even as he tries to convince himself that he is simply deluding himself.

Chanyeol catches him staring and sends him a questioning look, but Sehun doesn’t respond.

He can’t stop himself from staring at Chanyeol, though, and when they leave the restaurant after Chanyeol’s mother makes him take at least ten breadsticks with him, he finds that he feels happier and more content than he has in ages. He feels like he is living in some odd virtual reality where he and Chanyeol are back together, and even though he shouldn’t, he finds himself falling seamlessly back into Chanyeol’s vortex.

It isn’t until he sees Chanyeol and Jongin together on campus a few days later, Jongin laughing over something Chanyeol is saying, that reality catches up on him and he realizes that he and Chanyeol can never go back to how things were. That no matter how much Chanyeol might want it, they can never go back to being friends again.

He can’t be friends with someone he is still in love with and who has moved on to one of his friends. He can’t stand by and watch as Chanyeol builds a life with someone that isn’t him, and it doesn’t help that he is sharing an apartment with Jongin and will probably have to be there on the sidelines as he watches them fall in love.

Watches how they will start spending more and more time together, and how Chanyeol’s mom will go from being enthusiastic about Chanyeol bringing him over to being enthusiastic about learning more things about Jongin.

Sehun doesn’t want to be Chanyeol’s second-best, someone who will never be his priority.

They don’t see him watching them, and Sehun doesn’t want them to, not knowing how he will react if they do.

Sehun had thought for the longest period of time that the reason he had problems liking other people or dating again had to do with trust issues, but now that he knows that Chanyeol never cheated on him, he wonders if part of the reason he had never been able to move on was simply because he didn’t want to.

Like always when Sehun is in a crisis, he goes to Junmyeon and wonders if he can’t just spend the rest of his life hiding away in his apartment. When he moans to Junmyeon about it, Junmyeon gets a thoughtful look in his eyes.

“If you want to, you can live with me until you find another solution. We can say that we are dating and make it less suspicious that you’re suddenly moving out.”

Sehun thinks about it for long minute, the part of him that dislikes confrontations rejoicing over the possibility of distancing himself from Chanyeol without having to talk to him about why he is doing so, but then shakes his head.

“No. I can’t just keep running from my problems, that will only ever worsen things.”

But despite Sehun’s resolution to not run from his problems, he still can’t stop himself from saying that he is too busy to go and see a movie with Chanyeol when he asks and lying that he’s already eaten when Chanyeol asks if he wants to join him for lunch. He keeps telling himself that he will talk to Chanyeol when he is ready, but that feeling never comes.

When Chanyeol shows up outside of his classroom with bubble tea in his hands and an uncharacteristically nervous demeanor, Sehun knows that he won’t be able to put it off any longer and that Chanyeol deserves to know that he is wasting his time.

“I bought you some bubble tea since you’ve been so busy lately,” Chanyeol says. “The lady said that she was out of tapioca so I figured you’d like coconut jelly instead. I hope you don’t mind.”

Sehun’s heart breaks, every nerve in his body telling him to accept the bubble tea and pretend that nothing is wrong if it means still having Chanyeol in his life.

He takes a deep breath.

“Chanyeol, we need to talk.”

They end up walking along the small stream just outside of campus, Sehun holding onto his bubble tea like it’s small lifeline.

“What’s going on?” Chanyeol finally asks, and if Sehun hadn’t known better, he would have said that Chanyeol looked apprehensive.

Sehun slows his steps.

“I don’t think we should continue being friends with each other.”

Chanyeol stops, eyes stormy.

“Why?”

“I thought I could be friends with you after everything that has happened but I can’t. It was bad enough to see you together with Jongin when I hated you, but I can’t stand by and watch you and Jongin date when I still have feelings for you.”

Chanyeol remains silent, and although Sehun has always known that he was going to be rejected, it doesn’t hurt any less. Absentmindedly, he wonders if this is going to be the last time they will ever see each other and it makes his heart hurts as if it’s actually going to break.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol.” He forces himself to say. “I know how much wanted us to be friends.”

Chanyeol just stares at him.

“I never wanted to be your friend.”

Sehun stares at Chanyeol and for a second, he wonders if Chanyeol is insulting him. Then, when he understands the meaning behind Chanyeol’s words, he thinks he must have misunderstood him, swallowing dryly.

“Your dating Jongin.”

Chanyeol shakes his head, and for the first time since their conversation began he doesn’t look sad. Instead there’s another emotion there that Sehun doesn’t quite understand but that he’s seen on Chanyeol’s face before.

“No. I’m not. I told him that I still had feelings for someone else after the barbeque and he understood. I doubt there would have been anything between us either way. Jongin is nice, but I only accepted his invitation because Kyungsoo kept on pestering me to move on, saying that it was time that I started dating again even if I didn’t want to.”

Chanyeol must see the shock on his face because he softens, looking at him like he doesn't want to ever look away.

“I’ve tried to forget about you so many times, to move on and to start over but I’ve always ended up coming back to you. Always. Meeting you again at Baekhyun’s party and thinking that you hated me was torture because you’ve always been it for me. I’ve never wanted to just be friends with you.”

Sehun wonders if he is dreaming.

“You still love me?”

“I think I always will.”

Sehun takes just enough time to collect his thoughts before he grabs onto Chanyeol, who is still looking at him like with soft eyes like he is the center of the universe and crashes their lips together.

Chanyeol makes a small sound of surprise but then he is wrapping his arms around Sehun and tugging him closer and Sehun thinks that he is going to melt. Thinks that people saying that they want to die at their happiest are a bunch of idiots, because he never wants this moment to end. Not when his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest, and he feels all the kisses he’d shared with people that weren’t Chanyeol were bad knock-offs.

Kissing Chanyeol feels like coming home. Like fireworks, a soft bed and an open-fire.

Like unconditional love.

Sehun thinks he could get drunk off it.

They only break away when the bubble tea Sehun had forgotten that he’d been holding onto tumbles to the ground, spilling milk tea on the grass and on their shoes.

Chanyeol grins at him helplessly, arms still wrapped around him, and then leans in to kiss him again.

 

***

 

It’s much later that day, after Sehun is finally able to tear himself away from Chanyeol, that Sehun tells Jongin that he has something he needs to tell him.

Jongin stops, looking at him for a long second.

“If it’s about you and Chanyeol, I already know everything. Kyungsoo told me that you two used to date and when Chanyeol said that he still had feelings for his ex I kind of figured everything out.”

Sehun gapes at Jongin.

“You know? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jongin sends him a dry look, but it’s a mild one.

“Why didn’t you tell me yourself?”

Sehun feels like a terrible friend.

“I’m really sorry. It’s just…Chanyeol and I…”

“You don’t have to explain it.” Jongin says, and to Sehun surprise he sounds like he genuinely means it. “I should have been a better friend and noticed that something was up. I would have never invited him if I’d known that he was your ex. Let’s forget this whole thing ever happened.”

“I agree to that.” Sehun says and can’t help from smiling. “Do you want to grab some pizza? We haven’t really hung out much lately.”

To Sehun’s surprise, Jongin blushes bright red.

“No, I already have plans. I have a date.”

“What?” Sehun asks. “With who?”

“With Chanyeol’s friend, Kyungsoo.” Jongin says, scratching the back of his neck. “We kind of hit it off after you left so it’s definitely a good thing that nothing ever happened between me and Chanyeol.”

Sehun lets out a small, surprised laugh and spends the rest of the afternoon watching Jongin flittering around their apartment, undecisive about what to wear and where they should eat.

Jongin leaves around six, leaving Sehun alone in their apartment without any plans, and Sehun wonders if it’s too early to call Chanyeol when everything is still so new between them. When he finally musters up the courage to call, just wanting to hear Chanyeol’s voice, Chanyeol answers immediately.

“I was just about to call you. Want to go somewhere?”

Sehun wonders how it is possible for his heart to beat faster after only hearing Chanyeol’s voice.

“Where?”

“You’ll see.”

Chanyeol picks him up in his car, parking right outside of his apartment, and although Sehun thinks that it should be impossible, Chanyeol somehow manages to look even more attractive behind the steering wheel than he does normally.

They drive for almost twenty minutes, Chanyeol refusing to tell him where they are going, before Sehun starts to recognize neighborhood they’re in, turning to stare at Chanyeol in surprise.

“Jungnang?”

Chanyeol doesn’t respond but parks right next to the small playground they both used to spend a lot of time in when they were younger. Sehun follows Chanyeol out of the car, looking around, and while most things look the way he remembers it, a few things have changed over the years. There is a new swing right next to the old ones, and a slide that Sehun doesn’t remember ever seeing.

“I haven’t been here in forever.” Sehun mutters and turns to look at Chanyeol who has a wistful look on his face, looking soft in his black sweater as he grabs Sehun’s hand.

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you about when I first realized that I was in love with you.” He says, and Sehun shakes his head. “I was fifteen and I’d been obsessing the whole day about this surprise my mom said that she’d prepared for me when I got home. I’d been counting the hours until I could go home from school and see what it was, but then I met up with you and you were complaining about not wanting to go home because you knew your mom would make you do the homework you hadn’t finished, and I realized that I’d rather spend time with you, sitting on a swing like we always did, than go home and find out what the surprise was.”

Sehun remembers that day, but from his memory Chanyeol had never seemed like he was in a rush to get home. Instead he remembers Chanyeol asking him if he wanted to go and buy ddeokbokki from the corner store and spending at least an hour munching on rice cakes and laughing with Chanyeol before Sehun knew that he’d have to get home before he got in trouble.

“I always thought that I was the first one to like you,” Sehun says, not knowing what else to say to convey the emotions bubbling up inside of him. “I worried that you only dated me because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings and that you actually liked Kyungsoo the whole time.”

Chanyeol just shakes his head.

“The only person I’ve ever liked is you. I used to get so jealous when you were hanging out with anyone that wasn’t me, but I always thought that was just because we were good friends.”

Sehun feels like his chest is aching with how full it feels.

“We’ve wasted a lot of time, haven’t we?” Sehun says. Chanyeol takes a step forward, and right before he lets his lips meet Sehun’s, he speaks again.

“Well, we have months and months and years and years to make up for it.”

 

 

 

Fin.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed reading this story, please consider leaving a comment! they give comfort to my tortured soul!


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